I miss being part of an active fandom. You know, the thrill of gathering with fellow friends and poring over episodes, writing fan fiction, and generally being crazy over a show or a character on the show or maybe just the actor. I miss it. Maybe I should say I miss being active in a fandom. More accurate, eh?
My first and only real foray into a fandom was Xena/Hercules. To be truly accurate, it was really all about Ares, played brilliantly by the late Kevin Smith. He was the reason I started watching Xena and Hercules. He was the reason I delved into the wonderful world of the internet. And even though he wasn't there for the first one, he's the reason I started attending the Xena/Hercules conventions. He was also the reason I started writing fan fiction, letting loose dormant creativity and channeling it into something other people would read.
On a not so secondary note, my fandom love also encompassed many of the other male guests from both shows, including but not limited to: Erik Thomson (Hades), William Gregory Lee (Virgil), Bruce Campbell (Autolycus), Karl Urban (Cupid and Caesar), Timothy Omundson (Eli), Joel Tobeck (Strife), Chris Conrad (Young Jason), Ryan Gosling (Young Hercules), Dean O'Gorman (Young Iolaus), etc. I'm sure if I think more about it, I could come up with more fellas from the shows. Even now, I still follow their careers and think back on the times I was lucky enough to get an autograph or exchange an email or just meet in person.
Being part of an active fandom for me meant gathering online with fellow like-minded fans and writing stories or sharing experiences or reminding each other of upcoming events. I also found ways to express my devotion to certain actors by creating websites dedicated to them. Of course, Kevin Smith and Erik Thomson were my first fansites. Both sites are still up and I even still update the Erik site when I get news. I was also one of the first websites dedicated to William Gregory Lee. My claims to fame!
As WONDERFUL and THRILLING it's been to meet the different folks from the shows (and it's been utterly WONDERFUL and THRILLING), the thing I really miss about the whole fandom thing is being with my fellow fans. Sitting in the auditorium and sharing a laugh with everyone else. Actually knowing a lot of the fans in the audience. Standing in line with fellow fans whether for autographs or photo ops. Being a fan among fans who are also friends. I miss that very much.
I've been very lucky to have made real friends from our mutual love of a certain Kiwi. He was our beginning and he brought us together to go forth to tell stories beyond seeing him or meeting him. We realized that not only did we like him or the shows, but we liked each other beyond our mutual love. And so yes, I'm lucky not only to have met the wonderful Kiwi, but to have friends who are still my friends almost a decade later.
Still, I miss being part of a fandom. There's an untold thrill about it. Laughing at the flame wars, defending favorite characters, dismissing the annoying characters, writing up fan fics, maybe even meeting the objects of our admiration, looking forward to the next episode, gasping at the plot twists. All of that and sharing it with other like-minded fans. I miss it so very much sometimes.
These days I still adore certain shows and various actors, but I shy from actually joining any forums or communities or anything like that. Maybe it's my age or maybe I just know nothing will compare to the wonder of that one and only fandom. And really, nothing has caught me so much as to inspire me to write fan fic or gussy up a website, so how much can I actually contribute to the fandom? Even as my regard for Xena/Herc lives on, nothing on these days has piqued my fangirlish ways. Oh sure, I'll watch CSI religiously and even read some fan fic (mostly Nick-oriented) but will I write anything? Nah! Actually, the only fan fic I do read these days (and it's just come on recently) is Nick-oriented. As for the shows I watch routinely (Lost, The Office, Fringe, etc), I only watch and don't engage with fellow fans (unless you count the husband as a fellow fan). I miss the connections, but I'm gunshy to reach out.
Sometimes I think about going back to my character Kiari (Priestess of Ares, Liaison to Hades) and writing another chapter for her. But most of the time I don't finish the thought or the story or the words. She lives in a different time and place now. Perhaps just as my fandom ways live in a different time and place now...
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